I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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