There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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