He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
