How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
