He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
