p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
