so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
time to smoke my breakfast
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
