Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
