just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
