he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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