someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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