I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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