420 ftw
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
