roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
