Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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