she woke up with a sticky ear
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
