He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
