is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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