She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
