i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
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there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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