Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
