I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
