one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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