You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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