there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
