we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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