shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
