9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
