you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
