She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
