She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
