the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
