wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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