remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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