I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
