I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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