he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well you can't waste a boner
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
