Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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