We won't sleep together?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
