Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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