I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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