did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize