My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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