Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
