All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
