Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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