That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
