When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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