Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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