I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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