It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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