Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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