My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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