i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
