I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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