I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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