'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
