Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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