your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
