also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
