yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
