I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
