the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
